Use Me

Have you ever prayed the prayer of "God just use me" at anytime in your life? I have, lots of times. I've prayed it as a simple prayer of devotion and I've said it when I've been in a situation that I believed that God could or should intervene and I wanted to be available. It usually is the heart cry of many believers to be used by God in whatever way that He would see fit, but do we really know the implications of that prayer? I don't think that we do. I've been saying that prayer a lot these days and I believe that God has been using us during this time, but something that I didn't expect happened during all of this. It's the feeling of being used. Yeah, you know that feeling. It's the one that you feel like you've put yourself out there for something and you walk away feeling like you've been left holding the bag or foolish. When we pray God "Use me" we/I tend to think of all the ways that God can be glorified and how we can feel good about the situation, but I don't think we realize the full extent of God's call upon us. I think of Paul praying for God to use him in incredible ways and then feeling used when he was being beaten or imprisioned. Look at John the Baptist as he's in prision and he's sent his disciples to ask Jesus if he's really the One. I think, maybe, he was feeling used and being left in prison. I can imagine John asking, "Why, if Jesus could do all the miracles and set people free from their problems, can't he set me free?" This line of thinking aligns itself directly with the path that Jesus himself had to take. Did he feel "used" by God when he was being abused and subsequently crucified? I believe he did. He even cried out to God, "Why have you forsaken me?" It's almost as if he's saying something like "I did all this for you and now you've left me here to die".
I really don't have a good handle on why our trials come nor why we have to go through them other to say that through them we gain strength and others gain victories. It just seems that this is one more mystery that my mind cannot seem to get a grasp on in this journey we call the Christian life. It truly is my prayer for God to use me and I guess I'm beginning to get a little better understanding of what that is really a call to. God may you use me however you see fit!